


Bad Ensign on DS9

by lara_s



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:33:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22757827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lara_s/pseuds/lara_s
Summary: Kira didn't get the Starfleet Academy experience.  Or, Starfleet games come to DS9
Relationships: Kira Nerys/Odo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	Bad Ensign on DS9

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Bad Ensign](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17604374) by [Curator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curator/pseuds/Curator). 



> I’ve recently been rewatching Voyager, supplemented by fanfic of course, and came across this little gem of a story called Bad Ensign in which Harry Kim inadvertently challenges Janeway to a silly game popular at the academy. Check it out, it's funny. There appears to be a number of spin offs but I immediately wanted a DS9 version.

The DS9 command staff sat around the table, padds in hand. “Next up on the list,” Sisko intoned, “Ensign Baker. Does anyone have any comments on Baker’s performance?” To his right, Kira groaned loudly. 

His first officer, who tended to take crew evaluations just as deadly seriously as she took everything else, wasn’t shy about voicing her opinion.

“Shows up late for every shift. Makes so many minor errors due to not paying attention I don’t even bother to write him up for it anymore. He tries,” she admitted with a sigh, “but he’s terrible. He isn’t cut out for this. He’s just a really bad ensign.”

Dead silence met her words. “What?” She muttered somewhat defensively, realizing everyone was staring at her in shock. “Come on, I’m not wrong and you all know it.”

“I have to concur with Major Kira’s assessment.” Odo chimed in. “Baker did a rotation in security a few weeks back and he is indeed a very very bad ensign.”

That did it. Jadzia was the first to crack, howling with laughter. Beside her, Julien wasn’t faring much better. “Oh my god,” he gasped between gulps of air, “that kid doesn’t stand a chance against the Major.” His commentary only set Jadzia off further. Miles had turned five shades of red, unsuccessfully trying to hide his own laughter. Even the Captain was grinning widely. The only ones not amused were Kira, Odo and Worf. 

“That ridiculous juvenile game wasn’t funny at the academy and it’s certainly not funny now,” the Klingon admonished the room. 

“Red alert. I surrender.” 

“Dax…” The Captain was still smiling but clearly at the end of his patience. “Enough.”

“Okay, okay.”

Forty five minutes later a pissed off Bajoran cornered her friend in the hallway after the conclusion of the staff meeting. 

“What was all that about? I have no idea what just happened in there other than I’m pretty sure you’ve made me the butt of one of your jokes. Again.”

“I’m so sorry Kira.” The Trill looked contrite but she was giggling again. “I couldn’t help it, I swear. You really walked into that one. Gosh, I haven’t thought of Bad Ensign in years. Dax is undefeated, of course,” she said smugly. “Though there was that one time Curzon nearly lost against a cadet from Andoria. She was the most stunningly beautiful...” 

“Dax!” Kira interrupted, gritting out between clenched teeth. “I don’t have time for a past host story right now. I want an explanation. Succinctly and right now.” 

**

“You wouldn’t believe it, Odo.” Kira paced back and forth across the security office, indignity rolling off her in waves. It’s some sort of sex game.”

The changeling however, could, and did, believe it completely. There was very little about humanoids and all their strange mating rituals that surprised him much anymore.

“It’s all the rage at the Academy, evidently. You initiate the game by calling someone a ‘bad ensign’ which makes you the Captain. Something like that.” Kira waved her hands around distractedly. “The point is, the person playing the so called bad ensign is then supposed to try to seduce the person playing the Captain. If they succeed, they win the game. If the Captain is able to hold out and not respond to the advances, they win. Prophets, no wonder they were all laughing at me. Bunch of children. I spent my formative years learning how to seduce Cardassians in order to survive. Our friends in Starfleet spent their time seducing each other for bragging rights.”

Kira slumped into an empty chair with a sigh. She wasn’t angry, not really, just pagh weary at yet another example of how much her people had missed out on thanks to the Occupation. With any luck and a lot of hard work though, the next generation of Bajorans would be free to play their own version of the stupid game. The thought made her smile faintly. 

Grinning, she caught Odo’s eye as she stood up once more. 

“Something occurs to me. As the highest ranking member of the Bajoran Militia on this station, that would make me the one responsible for your crew evaluation.” 

“What?” Odo harrumphed, his posture going stiff. “I wasn’t aware you had any concerns about my performance. Major, you know very well that crime on the promenade has decreased by ten point three percent over the last quarter alone and oh.” 

He stopped talking, his gelatinous form shivering slightly as Kira stepped close trailing her hand up and down his simulated arm.

“I’m probably not doing this right, but then again, I never have been much for playing by the rules. Tell me, have you been a bad bad Constable?”

Odo knew the game was lost as soon as it had begun. He didn’t care.


End file.
